We recently got an e-mail revisiting the notion of "having your shit together" which we talked about in this episode. We got a great e-mail about the topic from a listener (which we really appreciated) and we promised to post it on our site, so here it is. You know you can reach us anytime via Twitter (we're @margaritatalk) but feel free to e-mail away too. We're firstname.lastname@example.org
So I’m the process of moving, and in between arbitrarily throwing things in boxes and wanting to hurl myself from the second floor balcony, the discussion ya’ll once had on how to know whether a guy (I am one) “has his shit together” came to mind.
It happened as I silently celebrated the scarcity of extra bullshit I was having to pack. As you might imagine, my revelry quickly turned to horror as I remembered the criteria for whether a man has his life together is apparently based largely on the status of his Restoration Hardware rewards card. Had I made a grievous mistake, I thought, as I covered a third pair of mismatched pint glasses with newspaper. While I may one day yet invest in a headboard, my conclusion was a clear, if guarded “no.”
I understand considerations of room décor and the like are far from primary for most women, and definitely, they can be important context clues, but I would argue that over-reliance on superficialities, something men are frequently chastised for, is a similarly problematic, but much less discussed issue in women’s evaluation of a man’s life status/shit-togetheriness.
At the risk of breaking bro code, I know a lot of great guys with sick apartments, but I know just as many rich d-bags who are good at pretending they’re not, have Tinder, and know how to use both to take advantage of well-meaning ladies. From what I know of Charlotte, material signposts can be deceptive, especially in the early going.
I would encourage your podcast listeners, who seem to be earnest pursuers of real, meaningful connections, to consider the implications of the hierarchy of how they evaluate a potential partner, to notice that there is often an inverse relationship between a man’s intellectual and emotional development and his attachment to material things, and to remember that in general, men just don’t care if the duvet complements the love seat.
That’s why we love you all: you teach us that it does matter and lead us to question how we ever lived in an apartment with clashing color schemes. But until that day comes, try to look deeper—and remember what your momma told you: don’t judge a man by the way his bed’s covered.