We had real life #relationshipgoals Jake and Page Fehling on The Margarita Confessionals to talk about everything from finding your perfect match to wrangling three kids and dealing with early morning schedules (Page is the host of “Good Day Charlotte” on Fox 46 so she’s awake when you’re headed to bed if half-price wine night escalated quickly).
Whether you’re in a relationship or are still swiping away, they have awesome advice and will probably make you snort-laugh (speaking from experience). Here are some of their thoughts on dating, relationships and making it work:
When you’re single…
…Trust your instincts
Page explains, “If you’re being too picky when you’re dating, you’re not that into that person.” She goes on to say that when you find the right match for you, you’ll do whatever it takes to be with them. “If Jake had said, ‘I want to move to Mars’ I would have rather had us be together and I’d find something to do on Mars.”
If you’re conveniently finding reasons that your relationship can’t work (it’s a weird time, your travel schedule sucks, your job is demanding) then it’s probably just not the right fit.
…Be a civilized human as you date
Though both Page and Jake stress the importance of putting in the effort necessary to keep a relationship strong, when it comes to dating, their stance is different. If you’re trying too hard, something is off. It shouldn’t be a struggle to want to be with the other person. When you realize it’s time to part ways, though, they both encourage bringing a little empathy to the situation.
Page says, “There’s a humanity to saying to someone, ‘I’m just not feeling this.’”
Jake quickly chimed in, “Big fan of that. Shut it down.”
It’s smart to cut your losses quickly so you can both move on and find the relationship that’s right for you, but don’t forget that you’re dealing with another person’s feelings as you do it.
When you’re in a relationship…
…Choose to have fun
Spend five minutes with Page and Jake (or creep on them via social media) and it’s pretty apparent they have a genuinely great time together. While part of this is their natural connection, this is also a conscious decision. Sure, sometimes you need deep, intimate discussions. But Page points out that you also have to choose to have fun with your partner. Being silly is highly underrated. Don’t let work or general life stress zap the fun out of your connection.
…Know that less-than-perfect moments are normal
When you’re seeing other people’s relationships on social media, it’s easy to think that every other couple you know is flawless. They’re taking perfect trips and going on perfect dates and posting perfect, filter-free selfies. Then when you and your significant other have a fight, you wonder what’s wrong with your relationship.
In reality, nothing is wrong with you. Difficult moments are normal; you just don’t have to sit through everyone else’s.
…Be flexible on your definition of date night
If you can take a trip or go try the new restaurant that everyone is talking about, that’s awesome. But “date night” doesn’t always have to be dressing up and wondering if you’re using the right fork for your teeny tiny salad. Page and Jake also describe date night as sitting on the couch or taking 10 minutes to eat dinner together when the kids are in bed.
If you’re focused on each other and your relationship, it counts.